An anniversary of sorts

So, on seventeenth, I had my Weight Watcher's anniversary. I hadn't realized that until I noticed that there were news stories about the anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings, and that was the day I started WW. I remember this because I remember reading first hand accounts of the shootings on the BBC website and getting really sad and freaked out and angry. Being as I work at afternoons and nights and come home at about the same time everyone else is about ready to go to bed, there was no one around when I kind of just wanted a hug. So I went for my friend, Chips Ahoy, and then I stopped and put the package back and I told myself that I was not going to do emotional eating on my first day of Weight Watchers. People usually go through a super motivated period where they stick to the plan like glue with no trouble whatsoever, and I wasn't going to be so weak to only let mine last thirteen hours. And yes, I do feel terribly guilty, but I do kind of feel proud of myself for putting those cookies back on that first day.

Moving on. One of the things I love about exercising (yes, I actually did say loved. I can't believe it myself) as opposed to watching what I eat (which, in my opinion, is not fun at all and I can't imagine ever saying "I love watching what I eat" though I don't think I would have ever imagined saying "I love exercising") is that pretty quickly I realized the limits to what my body can do are way more flexible than what I would have judged them to be. Upon realizing this, it becomes that much harder to come up with excuses on why not to do things. It's like exercising has put this challenging voice in my head that constantly asks me "Why not?" when I come up with excuses for things. Last week my car was in the shop and I had to go to the bank two miles away. The voice that comes up with excuses and which has been living in my head much longer than the challenging voice tried to tell me to wait until someone was home who could give me a ride. I almost did.

But then that pushy voice came up and pointed out I had nothing else going on until someone was home to give me a ride to the mechanics, which would be a few hours at least. It would save time for whomever was going to be giving me a ride to the mechanics. We'd be saving gas. We'd be leaving less of a carbon footprint, whatever that means. And, the pushy voice continued, You didn't get to go to the gym that is ten miles away this morning. You also didn't go yesterday because you drank way too much wine the night before. And tomorrow is Saturday and you don't exercise on the weekends. A four mile walk is considered exercise, you know.

Excuse voice at this point is going "Ehhhh. We aren't the sort of person who walks two miles just to go to the bank." (The voices at this point have apparently decided I am important enough to use "we" when we are referring to me).

And then pushy voice, who is getting to be a bully, and one of those rare, smart bullies at that, says "What's the matter? You think you can't do it? You gonna collapse after the first half mile? You don't think you can make it?"

Excuse voice is, at this point, completely flabbergasted. You'd think after over a year of trying and failing to come up with good reasons every single weekday morning to stay in bed and not going to the gym, it would understand what was going on. But excuse voice, while resourceful and was probably the one that suggested drinking half of the large bottle of wine in the first place, is also pretty slow on the uptake, which allows pushy voice to gain momentum.

Pushy voice, having gained strength and intelligence from getting me to exercise, has also nosed its way into other parts of my life. When I look at my guitar and think I should really practice, but excuse voice whines that it doesn't want to, pushy voice demands to know what's the worst that could happen should I pick up that guitar? It has also cut down on my procrastinating tendencies, which is excuse voice's forte. When I tell pushy voice that I'll give the cat fresh food later, I clean up my dishes later, I'll clean the litter box later, I'll sweep the floor later, pushy voice has started to ask me "Why not now?" Pushy voice doesn't do this a lot, probably because this is uncharted territory for it, but it has started to nose in more and more. Which I'm pretty okay with, because procrastination can be pretty disruptive. Now, I suppose I better go practice that guitar.
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