Monday, September 28, 2009

So. Hi. If anyone happens to read this, that is.

So basically the last few months have been a massive ball of stress and continue to be. I haven't had a good night's sleep since possibly...March-ish. I have no money, and pretty much feel as down on myself as a person can get without having serious death-in-the-family-kicked-out-of-house-diagnosed-with-life-threatening-disease issues. My ADD (which for most of my life has been low-key enough that I can pretend that I don't have it, or at least take advantage of it) has been cranked up to eleven and I've had to stop myself from opening a car door while the car is in operation because I am just that distracted. Luckily this does not happen while I am the one driving. And basically everything is just a massive ball of suck and not to be melodramatic but I'm just not equipped to deal with it. And a lot of it is is my fault, so I've been grinning and bearing it and pretending everything is hunky dory. Basically my brains been looking for things to feel guilty about and worry about and feel disgusted about. It's lovely, really.

But I joined a new gym. The gym is less than five minutes away, compared to the half hour away the old gym was. So if I'm only up to going and working out for twenty minutes, then I'll only have to devote thirty minutes, tops, and not having the feeling that I just wasted a bunch of gas. A good friend who has been instrumental in keeping my feet on the ground during the worst of the ADD episodes (even if she doesn't know it) is a member, as are most of my other friends who live around here. On the one hand, it is a good thing. Friends! We can all look like idiots together. On the other hand, it is a bad thing because I like to pretend my face doesn't turn bright red and sweaty at the mere mention of exercise, even during those days when I was in good shape. Oh well. That's on my list of things not to worry about.

But anyway, I've been working out there for the past few days. Three, to be exact. I'm not expecting miracles, but already I've improved. I've already added a mile to what I could do on the elliptical the first day. My shoulders and legs are a bit sore, but in a good way. And the best things: The past two nights since I started working out again I've slept straight through the night, without nightmares (and not fun zombie nightmares, either) and I've not been in a constant state of panic. Yeah, I'm still having trouble keeping my head in the game long enough to have a five minute conversation or pay attention to a tv show between commercial breaks. But, you know, baby steps. I'm getting there.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Run Around

I went to the gym today to do the elliptical. I'd been slacking off (if you can call it that, and I'd use another word if my mind were working right, but I'm the person who routinely dreams about zombies, so obviously my mind ain't working right) on the whole working out on my own. I read somewhere that people who's jobs, and, indeed, lives, tend put them in charge of a situation tend to gravitate toward group classes at the gym, with an instructor, because they like not being in charge for once. And while I'm in charge of no one except myself (and even then, not really), I kind do have to keep track of a bunch of different people doing a bunch of different things at work. In the gym class, everyone is doing the same thing and the only person I have to keep track of is the instructor.

But, as you may have heard, it is winter in the northern hemisphere, and I'm sick of the snow already, so I am planning of what I can do when I don't have to worry about falling ass over backwards on a patch of ice. I get bored after two seconds on a treadmill, but the elliptical is at least tolerable, so I went on that today instead of going to a class, in the idea that if I start now, I might be able to run around the block in April without having the non-asthmatic's version of an asthma attack. I made it 2 and a half miles, which is what I was expecting. Last time I used the elliptical, I made it to nine miles in a go within a month, so all I need to do is keep it up. Problem is right now my knees have been bothering me, even with the elliptical (another reason why I did the elliptical over the class that generally involves invisible jump ropes and jumping jacks and plyo hops) and I think the elliptical may have exacerbated it. It's my own damn fault, I've been wearing high healed boots for nearly a week straight, and even if they are the most comfortable high healed boots I could ever possibly afford, if I go for too long without spending a signficant portion of my time in sneakers, my knees start complaining. Alas.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to take a break from ellipticals and jumping jack sort of aerobics because we're due for the snow storm everyone's been talking about tomorrow, and I'm not driving to the gym in the middle of a snow storm and the living room isn't ideal jumping jack territory. Maybe I'll put a dvd in or something, but any work out dvd I have tends to be, IMO, too easy, and I feel like I'm cheating. Still, better than nothing.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Zombies, Zumba, and...Z'Obama!

So, unsurprisingly, I had another zombie related dream a few nights ago. This time, the zombies were apparently sentient and were trying to convince people to come outside and join them, because being a zombie was pretty cool. I'm not sure what arguments they used, but I remember people mostly being like "Hah. Whatever, zombies. You aren't going to fool us."

My dreams apparently aren't known for the witty dialogue.

Anyway, the lesson I'm going to take from this possible view of the future is that I should find more ways to be able to exercise without leaving the house. Which makes sense, because so far this winter is of the sort where it's been snowing hard a couple of times a week, which can make the half hour drive to the Y less than desirable, and you might as well wear ice skates when you go outside for all the ice on the sidewalks. What works for recruiting zombies works for the winter.

So, anyway, the Y had it's first Zumba class Monday. Monday was also a heavy snow day, so there weren't many people there. Normally I'd skip out, too, but my car was parked in back, so I had to clean it off and move it so my parents could get to work, and I really was looking forward to the Zumba class, so I went anyway, and only lost control of my car a little bit. The class wasn't nearly as intense as the class I went to with my friend was, or really, even close to the intensity of a normal work out class, but it was the first time the teacher had taught it (she being one of the normal morning class teachers), and the first time any of us (which consisted of people who normally take the morning classes) had really taken a zumba class, so we had to be taught it, which is good, because using my hips turned out to be unexpectedly complicated. It was fun, though, and I'm looking forward to next week's class.

But, what is more important than zombies and zumba? I know! Sacrilege! But yesterday was pretty damn amazing. I'm just happy. That was an amazing speech and I'm so privileged to be a part of this generation. And I keep trying to remember that there is never anything false about hope, and it is all right to hope that this guy, the President of the United States of America, can help move the country in a good direction without my mind cutting in and telling me that nothing will happen because nobody will let anything happen. As the man said himself:

"Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage."

Things can happen.

I'm so glad that that one group's religion isn't being injected into the government any longer. Hopefully. Denying the rights of other citizens of the United States of America when they haven't done anything wrong isn't my religion. Purposely not investigating possible cures for horrible and deadly dieseases isn't my religion.

And look at the new website. I know that the whole transparency thing is probably mostly a crock of bodily product, but at least it will be a little better. Not so much of a "Because we said so" thing. And it's really weird for me, because I grew up in a Republican family, and anyone who was liberal was an idiot for believing the liberal media, and I really went through an identity crisis when I realized that I had fallen hook, line, and sinker for Obama, that I truly believed that he could lead this country in a better direction, and that I couldn't vote for McCain, once the only person in politics that I admired. I started to not watch the news in case it was the liberal media finally winning me over, and just get my news from online sources. But yeah, right now, for possibly the first and only time, I'm truly and unabashedly happy about who we chose for president.

The one thing missing from his speech is his plans on how to deal with the upcoming zombie epidemic.

Monday, January 12, 2009

My dose of whining for the day.

Somehow, every single time I've gone to try on bridesmaid dresses, I've had my period. Not cool. Even this month, when I've gone kind of wonky, probably because of the holidays, I'm going to pick up the bridesmaid dress and see what needs to be fitted. I'm terrified it won't fit after the holidays, even though last time it was lose enough that I thought my friend was mistaken when she said it was zipped up. I also don't know where I am going to put it, as it is a foofy dress and my closet is tiny enough that the normal size hangers are wider than the closet.

I've also been craving bacon a lot in the past thirty six hours, since my adventures in Wine Land. I indulged myself yesterday and today, because this morning I was still feeling kind of grody, but tomorrow it's back to my "detoxing" diet of cheerios and almond milk. I call it detoxing because I'll be less likely to crave diner sort of breakfasts, including the breakfast sandwich at the place down the street. The almond milk is because I'm borderline lactose intolerant, especially in the mornings, and I prefer it over soy milk, and not because I'm doing a vegan detox.

I've been wanting to take walks on the beach, except it's been either snowing or frostbite cold. Last winter I toughed it out on the days where it wasn't frostbite cold and bundled up and went to the beach anyway. But lately if I haven't been busy, it's either dark, frostbite cold, or snowing. It's (comparatively) the beginning of winter and already I'm getting annoyed at the cramp the snow is putting in my style. Namely my desire to drop everything and go to the beach whenever I feel like it when I'm not working.

Trying new things

Much of the time, trying new things is pretty good. Particularly in exercise or something physical, because nowadays, whenever I try something new, I exceed my own expectations. That may be because before I do the New Thing, I'm telling myself "Don't kill yourself over this. No one expects you to be an expert." And then once I get into it "Oh, this isn't so bad." And I get into it. And then the next day I have trouble moving my arms. But I think the confidence from knowing I can do the New Thing is worth having the temporary limited mobility.

And then there are times when trying new things is bad. Like at a wine tasting. Because two years ago, I don't like wine. And then I happen to be at a party/wine tasting and someone gives me wine, and it is the first ever wine I liked. And then the next year/this past Saturday night, I'm at the same person's wine tasting and I like a lot more wine. And it turns out what my mother has been saying is true and that wine is a terrible thing to get drunk off of, and induces my first ever hangover. Also a bad thing to try. On the other hand, I'm sure I've lost some weight praying to the porcelain gods this weekend.

Mainly I'm writing this post because the next time it occurs to me to drink wine, maybe I'll remember this post.

Friday, January 9, 2009

I did some serious core work for a while yesterday, beyond doing a few crunches and bicycle thingies until I got bored. Fortunately I am not at the state where I am not wracked with pain if I should have to cough.

Working on my core more is my first official step of my plan to be able to win in a zombie invasion. More core work means more balance means less tripping and having my skull ripped apart. Plus Wii Fit keeps telling me my balance is bad and asking me if I trip a lot when I walk. The fact that I do only aggravates me more, and instead of being able to blame my clumsiness on my father's bad genes and spending more time than I'd like to admit worrying if I'm going to trip on something, this piece of white plastic is telling me if I spend more time on a virtual tight rope (which I reached pro level on yesterday. Suck on that, Wii!), I might not find myself tripping so much when I walk.

Now all I need is a game where a zombie is chasing me across a virtual tight rope, and I'd be golden. Or else I'd be having some really weird dreams.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Zombie Menace

I've been having a lot of dreams about zombies lately. A lot being defined here as more than one, because really, unless you've had zombies on the brain (hah. Get it? zombies on the brain? It's almost a pun), how many zombie dreams can a person expect to have? And I haven't seen a zombie movie recently and the last (and only) zombie book I read was World War Z about six months ago.

I highly recommend that book by the way. It is remarkably well thought out. Interesting study of class and culture conflict brought on by the Zombie Menace. Seriously.

Anyway, in my most recent zombie related dream, I wanted to run out to the garage to get my softball bat and a gardening implement to create a zombie destroying weapon. But I was afraid I would either be too slow or trip on the way out there, leaving me open to a zombie attack.

Anyway, as anyone who has a zombie related dream, one worries if one's dreams are precognitive, and if so, what one should do to prepare for a possible future zombie pandemic, and what sort of websites are out there to prepare one for such a thing.

Luckily, I got myself some coffee which banished most zombie related thoughts before I took such drastic action as looking up zombies on the Internet. Who knows where that could lead?

But it brought to mind that if suddenly I was in the middle of a zombie infestation, I couldn't rely on myself to be able to out run even a pack of zombies (zombies, you see, being known for being rather slow and uncoordinated) without worrying about tripping. I'd be that twit in movies that runs around in stilettos and twisting her ankles, except without the excuse of stilettos.

What does it say about my balance that one of my worries is that I'd probably trip while out running a (so far) hypothetical creature? I'm fairly sure I'd be able to out run a zombie. Pretty sure. But you can never be too sure about zombies. They are, after all, hypothetical.

So anyway, one of my motivators lately has been thinking about possible zombie outbreaks. Five more minutes on the elliptical is five more minutes of training of out running zombies. Another rep of weight lifting means more upper body strength behind that softball bat/zombie weapon. Another round of Wii boxing means being able to destroy that zombies brain's that much easier.

Hey, whatever works.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Year

I went swimming today at the Y! It was free swim, and it was in the middle of winter, and it is still during Christmas break, so bucket loads of kids were there. But still, I like swimming. It makes me happy. I have a pretty bathing suit, which I probably shouldn't be wearing in the hyperchlorinated water in the Y pool, but whatever.

We got a Wii for Christmas, which, it seems like everyone else has gotten. I am absolutely crazy about the boxing. Today I had the first match that didn't end with a knockout, and then I had a rematch with the same character, and I didn't win. This is horrifying. I'm a fiercely competitive person, even if it is against a computer generated character named Emma. We also have the Wii Fit, which is entertaining, particularly if you are watching someone else trying to avoid panda bear heads during the soccer game. But still, boxing makes me sweat like I just ran full out on the elliptical for twenty minutes. Possibly even more so. But it is fun, instead of just tolerable, like running on the elliptical while listening to music. With a few exceptions, depending on the music. So, currently, Wii Boxing beats out Wii fit, especially as Wii fit says I am forty years older than I am and my Mii wadles. It is not my fault that I am genetically imbalanced. My father's side of the family is legendary for being clumsy. Plus the weight thing. Bah. Stupid Wii fit. Luckily I can take my aggressions out in Wii Boxing!

So new year. It kind of annoys me because I say, okay, now that I don't really have the mountain of chocolate staring me in the face, I should have less trouble eating right and stuff now. And then I feel like a cliche for trying to lose weight at the beginning of the year. You just can't win.

Anyway. I'm trying to reprioritize. I'm not sure if I'm spelling that right, because Firefox doesn't recognize that "reprioritize" is a word. I was thinking mindful eating before, but that sticks about as well as water and flour paste. So I am rethinking it. Right now I'm trying Fitday.

Huh, Firefox accepts Fitday as being a word. Anyway, we'll see how that works out. I like how it is kind of nonjudgemental, unlike some devices that begin with a "W."

Also, I tried Zumba with a friend. The Y I belong to doesn't currently offer Zumba, but her gym, which is much closer to my house than the Y and just opened over the summer, and so I was thinking of joining, does. That class is rediculously fun. I don't think I've ever had so much fun at the gym. I looked like an idiot, but I did remarkably well for it being my first class ever. If you didn't know any better, you'd think I just wasn't used to the teacher. Plus part of it was kickboxing, and had some of the same punch and kick combos that my class does. I think I scared my friend at how intense I was during the familiar parts. But still, rediculously fun.

If anyone is reading this, how does anyone feel about changing gyms? This gym is probably a mile away, whereas the Y is ten miles away, so I have to set aside at least two hours for a one hour gym session, plus showering and things. But I like the people at the Y, I'm used to the schedule, and it has a pool. Plus they are adding Zumba to the class schedule sometime in the next few weeks. But, I'll admit, that twenty mile (total) drive every day is a bit daunting, especially when gas money is tight.

Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Big Eyed Fish
via FoxyTunes